The Art of Relationships

“The art of relationships requires that a man who is very different from his woman finds common ground with her and vice versa. We are meant to balance each other by attracting people whose strengths may be our weaknesses. Together as a result of our differences and unique distinctions, we complement each other. Understanding only comes when you stand under a real desire to know, love, and comprehend the other person, embracing the uniqueness of who they are.”  - TD Jakes

26 plus years later, five lovable children, twelve irresistible grandchildren, my husband and I still embrace the uniqueness of each other, who we are, and the unique connection we have together.   I have evolved with my husband and we have become best friends.    

 In our early years of marriage, we began to discover rather quickly that we had our differences.  Our personality types, our strengths, our weaknesses, our backgrounds, our interests and even the gifting and anointing on our lives were so different.  We soon realized that these differences were ultimately designed to complement and bring great balance to each other and our marriage and were not ever intended to pull us apart.  We were created both similarly and yet differently in order to fulfill God's purposes.  Often times, I humorously remind my husband to ‘come into my world for a bit’ when I want him to take interest in something that I’m solely interested in and bless his darling heart, ‘he’s not.’ 

I believe it’s so very important for us, ladies, to invest in our marriage relationship – after all, marriage is the second greatest decision we’ll ever make after receiving Jesus Christ into our life.  God desires for our marriages to be like days of heaven on earth and I can honestly say, I’m living proof of that and you can have that too!  Marriage is one of God’s greatest institutions on the earth and it’s worth investing in.  Over the years, I’ve invested in our marriage by collecting, reading/studying some of the best-selling books on marriage.  One that I believe is a must read to add to your book collection is “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.    

 Did you know that even in the area of love, our love languages can be as different as French and English, but once discovered can be the key to a long lasting, loving marriage?  Just a little nugget from this illuminating book:  “We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.” – Wow!

Jesus says it plainly in John 8:32: “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”  Knowing the truth and properly using what we know will set our marriages free (information is a powerful thing.)   Freedom is the direct result of knowledge.  Now I can see why Paul prayed the Ephesians prayer that they eyes of our understanding be enlightened.  Knowledge (love language knowledge) and its proper use are powerful and win battles!  I made a quality decision a long time ago, that my marriage would never perish because of a lack of knowledge.

Ladies, may you experience a real desire to know, love, and comprehend your spouse, embracing the uniqueness of who they are in your life today and may your marriage be like days of heaven on earth.         

~Mary McIver

  

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Where Are Your Manners by Daphne Delay

WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?

I live in a house full of boys.  Teaching manners seems to be an ongoing lesson in my home.  I asked myself this morning if Jesus ever taught on manners.  What I found is interesting.  But first, let me share with you what the dictionary and thesaurus have to say about the subject.  Manner means a way of acting or behaving or how something is done; manners (plural) is socially correct behavior or polite standards. 

There are not any direct references to the plural use of this word manner.  However, there are several that use the singular form of the word.  When King David wanted to build a house for the Ark of the Covenant, God responded by stating that He had ordained for King David's house to have a strong dynasty and that one of his children would build it.  King David responded by asking, "Who am I, O Lord God?  And what is my house, that You have brought me this far?  And yet this was a small thing in Your sight, O Lord God; and You have also spoken of your servant's house for a great while to come.  Is this the manner of man, O Lord God" (2 Samual 7:18-19)?  In other words, is this how you deal with everyone?

Paul gave specific instructions to the church on how to receive communion with these words: "Therefore whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord" (I Corinthians 11:27).  In another place he spoke of repentance, saying, "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.  For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner..." (2 Corinthian 7:10-11).  The Bible also speaks of "not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some..." (Hebrews 10:25) and looking for the coming day of Jesus: "Therefore, since all these things will be dissolved, what manner of persons ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness" (2 Peter 3:11).  And in a final example, John commended Gaius for his hospitality, saying, "Beloved, you do faithfully whatever you do for the brethren and for strangers, who have borne witness of your love before the church.  If you send them forward on their journey in a manner worthy of God, you will do well" (3 John 5-6).

Combined, these references draw our attention to how we deal with others and God and how He deals with us.  I am blessed to come from a family that taught morals and manners.  I did not receive Jesus as my Lord until I was 21 years old, but manners (and the manner in which we deal with people) is a universal protocol, Christian or non-Christian.  I learned to say please and thank you all the time, not just sometimes.  I was taught to say excuse me if I was even potentially inconveniencing someone or had a slip of bodily function!  I was instructed to put my napkin in my lap and keep my elbows off the table.  I said "Yes, sir" and "No, Sir" - "Yes, maam" and "No, maam" or I got a thump on the head.  Manners were expected and there was no excuse for not having any.

Nowadays, manners are treated as a past generation behavior and have lost all priority.  In fact, it is more common to find people laughing at the lack of manners then it is to find someone who observes them.  But these things should not be so.  If we are representatives of Jesus Christ and children of God, shouldn't we behave as He does?  "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God" (1 John 3:1a)!  What manner of love has He shown us?  Let me tell you!

God's manner (and what ours should be) is laid out clearly in the scriptures.  "Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.  It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.  Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].  It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.  Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].  Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, Amplified).

What conviction!  Most likely, all of us need to re-evaluate our lives and make adjustments.  This is just a small glimpse of what God expects of us and the MANNER in which we should behave with Him and with others.  And did you notice that the Word says this behavior should never fail, never fade out, become obsolete, or come to an end?  Manners are not a past generation behavior.  Manners are behavior of the GODLY.  We need to respect them, walk in them, teach them to our children, and find no cause to laugh at a lack of manners in someone's life.  I don't think God finds it near as funny as the devil who has forever found ways to pervert the ways of God.  May we all brush up on our manners and the manner in which we deal with others.

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Slap Happy by Daphne Delay

SLAP-HAPPY? 

It is a natural tendency of our flesh to react. For example, touch something 

hot and your hand reacts automatically by pulling back; stub your toe on a 

piece of furniture and your whole body flinches in reaction to the sudden 

pain.  And if you are untrained in self-discipline, a few sharp words may 

coincide with your reaction. In fact, outbursts of sudden emotions are 

reactions in and of themselves.  This is why Christians must allow the Holy 

Spirit to bear the fruit of His presence in their lives - without it, we are 

just a mass of flesh.  Galatians teaches, "But the fruit of the Spirit is 

love, joy, peace, longsufering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness 

AND SELF-CONTROL" (5:22-23).  The simplest definition for this kind of 

self-control is this: allowing the real you on the inside to call the shots; 

or we could rename it "spirit-controlled." 

But like I said, it is a natural tendency of our flesh to react.  It began 

at birth and still plagues us to this day.  Paul had a misfortunate reaction in front of the Jewish High Council one time, but it was his correction to the reaction that we can learn from.  He had been arrested and transferred to many courts by this time.  The commander of the Sanhedrin wanted to know why Paul was accused by the Jews, so he ordered the leading priests into session and brought Paul before them. Then Paul, looking earnestly at the council, said, "Men and brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day." And the high priest Ananias commanded those who stood by him to strike him on the mouth. Then Paul said to him, "God will strike you, you whitewashed wall! For you sit to judge me according to the law, and do you command me to be struck contrary to the law?" (Acts 23:1-3) 

Uh-oh! A natural reaction?!!  I'm afraid I might have done the same thing, 

except I might have slapped back!  My husband is a real teaser and on more 

than one occasion he has purposely surprised me to get a reaction.  However, 

if he was in reach, the reaction he got was a slug in the arm.  Without even 

thinking, when I am startled unexpectedly, my arm/hand/fist just swing out 

there!   The man who slapped Paul is fortunate that Paul did not slap back. 

He had been released from his bonds, so his arms and hands were free. 

However, Paul's words were just as potent.  God will slap you, you corrupt 

hypocrite" (New Living Translation)!  We can almost hear the tone in his 

voice!  Paul was not a happy man.  But watch what happened next: 

Those standing near Paul said to him, Do you dare to insult Gods high 

priest? Im sorry, brothers. I didnt realize he was the high priest, 

Paul replied, for the Scriptures say, 'You must not speak evil of any of 

your rulers.' (Acts 23:4-5, New Living Translation) 

As much as I could hear Paul's tone of voice when he reacted to being 

slapped in the face, I can almost hear the hushed whispers of the men 

standing near him.  With fear in their eyes as if lightening was about to 

strike, they said, "Do you dare insult God's high priest?"  Immediately, 

Paul corrected himself.  Why? It was not because Paul feared man.  No, Paul 

feared God's Word.  We can learn from this example.  God's Word instructs us to honor those in authority, regardless of what they have said or done.  In today's culture, this is hard to find.  Too often, people think they have a right to speak 

their mind.  Honor is a rare commodity.  Most people want to "be honored" 

but few sincerely "honor" others, especially authority.  You don't have to 

look very far to find rebellion to authority; unfortunately, it's everywhere 

But as Christians, we are called to a higher standard -- and that standard 

is God's Holy Word.  Regardless of how we feel about a person or situation, 

our behavior must be dictated by the Word of God.  And like Paul, if we 

discover we have acted inappropriately, then immediate, humble correction 

must follow.  

Reverence is simply a deep respect or devotion to someone. Psalm 2:11 says, "Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling."  The fear this scripture is speaking of is reverence and respect, not an unpleasant feeling of danger.  To fear the Lord is to admire and worship Him through words and acts of respect and honor. Jesus once made this statement: "He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me" (John 14:21).  In essence, Jesus was asking the question, "Can you love God and not obey?"  The answer is an obvious no - not intentionally.  It's one thing to do things ignorantly (not knowing), but it's another thing to justify the reactions of our flesh simply because we feel disrespected.  To fear the Lord, and His Word, is not weakness.  On the contrary, it takes more strength to restrain a reaction then it does to 

react.  In the same way, it takes more strength and discipline to humbly 

correct yourself (especially publicly) then it does to say nothing when you 

realized you have erred. 

"Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him" 

(Psalm 34:9).  The good news is God will take care of you when you show Him 

and His Word honor.  Whereas, in another place we are warned, "It is a 

fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God" (Hebrews 10:31). 

Paul understood this and it is the reason he self-corrected.  He didn't fear 

man, he feared (honored, admired, reverenced, and was devoted to) God.  May 

we follow his example, regardless of how others directly or indirectly treat 

us.  May His Word hold a place of honor in our lives above all else. 

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All Consuming Fire by Daphne Delay

All-Consuming Fire

Our reverence for God shows our depth and reveals our capacity to receive. So what does it mean to have reverence? The dictionary defines it as having awe or respect for a person or place. It is respectful submission or yielding to the judgment, opinion, will, or even the courteous regard of another. In this case, our reverence is for God and the things of God.

The writer of Hebrews said, "See that you do not refuse Him who speaks. For if they [the children of Israel] did not escape who refused Him who spoke on earth, much more shall we not escape if we turn away from Him who speaks from heaven, whose voice then shook the earth; but now He has promised, saying, 'Yet once more I shake not only the earth, but also heaven.' Now this, 'Yet once more,' indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire" (Hebrews 12:25-29).

When Moses was called to the mountain, great fear and trembling consumed him. The power and presence of God put him in reverent and holy fear of the Creator. Yet the children of Israel, God's own people, did not share in Moses' reverence. And this is a warning to us now. Not only does God desire our reverence, but without it, we limit the power of God at work in our lives.

Many people assume they have reverence for God, yet His power is not evident. I'm not simply referring to miracle-working power... God's power is seen in our love walk as well. How can we claim to have reverence for God when we cuss and slander another? Where is the respect and courteous regard for God and His Word when our behavior contradicts scripture? No matter how much a person attempts to justify their actions, the old saying rings true: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

We must give close attention to God's instruction for His Body. For example, Paul told Titus, "But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you" (Titus 2:1:8). Three times in this passage, Paul speaks of reverence -- yet not direct reverence of God, as in worship on bended knees with uplifted hands -- but the reverence that comes from deep within the true followers of Christ as seen in their actions.

The depth of a tree is revealed after the storm. We may not be able to see its root system, but the mere fact that it is standing afterwards is an indicator of what lies beneath the surface. In the same way, it's not how a person acts or behaves at church, or among other believers only, that determines their depth of reverence for God. It is after the shaking - what will remain?

Paul told Titus that slander must not be present among us. This is important to note because slander is the complete opposite of reverence. Defined as false statements, backbiting, or belittlement, slander is ungodly. We would assume this behavior is only found in the world among unbelievers, yet Paul warned both Titus and Timothy that slander would be found among God's people. "But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, [and] lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God" (2 Timothy 3:1-4). Sounds like the days we live in now, doesn't it? 

But before you think Paul was describing the world of unbelievers... keep reading. "[These are those] having a form of godliness but denying its power" (2 Timothy 3:5). The Amplified Bible says, "For [although] they hold a form of piety (true religion), they deny and reject and are strangers to the power of it [their conduct contradicting the genuineness of their profession]." Sadly, God's own people can have a form of godliness (in word and deed) and yet deny the power of God by the very same.

And on that note, many have even questioned God's provision for His children, never realizing their struggles may be a direct result of their lack of reverence and gratitude. "Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him" (Psalm 34:9). Our reverence for God reveals our capacity to receive of His goodness, mercy, and provision. He pours in to those who are not full of doubt, unbelief, ridicule, contempt, or any such thing. Even the tiniest amount of such displaces what could be filled with Him. Instead, we are called to "...serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear." And this includes our treatment and judgment of others birthed out of our respect for God. So let's let Him be the all-consuming fire - not us.

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