But, as I was studying and reading, I began to realize that a lack of submission is not the root issue in most cases.
Rather, it is SELFISHNESS!
I've come to believe that selfishness is at the root of nearly all sin - greed, covetousness, lust, rebellion, idleness, hypocrisy, arrogance, gluttony, infidelity, and the list goes on.
The essence of selfishness is "I want what I want, when I want it." It is all about getting my needs and wants met. It's what led to Lucifer's demise - he wanted to do what he wanted and didn't want to be under any authority, even that of God.
Unfortunately, our society is perpetuating selfishness at a gross rate.
So, what happens when two selfish individuals stand at the marriage altar stating their vows? Stats show that nearly half, both inside the church and out, will end in divorce. Of those divorces, 70-80% will be contributed to irreconcilable differences. This is defined as - "when you and your spouse can't and never will agree on certain fundamental issues in marriage."
What happened? They agreed at one point or they wouldn't have gotten married. Why can't they agree now?
Because the honeymoon is over and the true colors are what you are left with. Unfortunately, they both want what they want, when they want it. Neither one will give in and they reach the point where they can't and never will agree - irreconcilable differences. I want to clarify, that I am not referring to abusive situations here. This is in reference to two people who decide they can't get along anymore.
Selfishness is not a new issue or condition, it has been occurring since the beginning. It's what led Eve to eat the fruit.
In Phil 2:21, it says, "For everyone looks out for his own interest, not those of Jesus Christ." Paul said everyone looks out for his own interests - we are all given to selfishness. It is our sin nature.
The good news is, it doesn't have to stay this way, and frankly it should not be that way in the church. Jesus was the personification of selflessness. In Phil 2:3, Paul tells us how we can obtain that. I'll warn you, it is easy to say or read, but much harder to implement:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."
There it is - in humility consider others better than yourselves. Our flesh screams at that one. We especially don't like to consider others better than ourselves when we believe we have been wronged by them. But it is the high road, the Christ-like approach.
I know this is getting a bit long, but I do want to conclude with some contrasting attitudes of selfishness and selflessness:
Selfishness - "What have you done for me lately?"
Selflessness - "What have I done for you lately?"
Selfishness - "I love you, I can't live without you; I need you." (the essence of this is needing what the person does for you)
Selflessness - "I love you for who you are, regardless of what you do for me."
Selfishness - "I told you so!"
Selflessness - "It didn't work, it's ok; let's learn from it and move on."
Selfishness - Doesn't really listen to other individuals, but rather interrupts or sits waiting for them to take a breath so they can interject their response.
Selflessness - Let's each one speak freely while listening and giving consideration to their words.
Selfishness - "I behave this way because that's how I was raised."
Selflessness - "I am responsible for my actions and will work on making the changes needed."
Studies show that there is a direct correlation between high marital quality and high levels of generosity. Selflessness is key!
We do not have to do it alone!
The Holy Spirit will help us to make these changes. I recently prayed asking the Spirit to nudge me when I speak or act in a selfish manner.
Endeavoring to be selfless,
Dawn
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