A Blessed Mama Part 2 by Dawn White

Title:  A Blessed Mama - Part 2

Scripture:  "Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her." - Prov. 31:28

In Part 1, I shared a couple of ideas for achieving the goal of your children rising up and calling you, as their mama, blessed.  I'd like to continue that same theme in Part 2, offering a couple more ideas.  Again, these are things that I've learned in my 17 years of parenting...I wish that I could say I started out with these techniques, but the truth is, most were adopted in trying to weather a parenting storm.  My heart's desire is that you, dear mama, can learn from my mistakes.

The first two tips were 1) Date night - establishing a date with each child each month, and 2) Treating their Daddy with respect.  The next two tips are 3) tarry at bedtime and 4) talk to them, talk to them, talk to them!

3) Tarry at Bedtime - I understand that the very name of this tip runs contrary to a mama's heart.  Most of our kids don't need encouraged to tarry at bedtime...they seem to have that mastered!  Understanding that, I believe there can be much gained if we learn how to tap into that 'tarrying skill'.  

This tip I stumbled onto due to the schedule I was working.  In order to avoid daycare, my husband and I had set up our schedules so that I worked early mornings and he went into work later.  Because of this schedule, I went to bed much earlier than he did, typically at the same time our daughters did.  With this arrangement, I learned that when the lights were out and we would be lying in bed talking about what we needed to pray for, they would spill what was in their hearts.  I learned much more about their day and their struggles at bedtime.  Thus, I learned to tarry at bedtime.  For us, that means that we have to start the bedtime routine earlier to allow for this time, but, the benefits are well worth it.  

I don't do that so much anymore with our teenagers, but  just last night, I was going to bed and one of our teenagers came and laid on the bed beside me.  I learned much of what was on her heart, with the lights out and the relaxed mood that bedtime brings.  Sometimes I take advantage of the teachable moments, but many times, I just listen.  They need to know that you will take the time to listen.  As one child said, "I want you to listen to me with your eyes."    Don't rush bedtime, it's a time of day that can be such a blessing for you and your child.

4) Talk to them, talk to them, talk to them - did I mention, talk to them?  This tip is one that I've tried to practice, but was also confirmed to me through a friend's experience (I'll explain later).  When our babies are younger, it's easy to talk to them.  We can talk to them about anything and everything.  However, I've learned that when they hit that teenage threshold, they're not always real interested in your perspective and what you have to say.  Talk anyway.  

I once had the opportunity to visit with a Jr. High School teacher.  She was sharing some of the heartbreaking events that took place in the school.  Given those scenarios, I asked her what advice she could offer to parents to head off some of those experiences.  Her response, "Talk to them.  They'll act like they're not listening, but keep talking anyway."   And so I've adopted that strategy.  I offer guidance, thoughts, and counsel, even when it's not solicited.

I have a friend who used that same strategy.  She has a son who gave her some challenges growing up...ok, well a lot of challenges.  He tried most tricks that are in the book and even created some of his own.  But, she never quit talking to him.  When he got in the shower, she went in the bathroom and talked while he was showering - he couldn't walk away that way!  When he was a senior in college, she got her reward.   He wrote her a letter and thanked her for always holding him accountable and always being there for him.  Despite some tough parenting decisions and the implementation of lots of tough love, he did rise up and call her blessed.  I know you, dear mama, want that letter as bad as I do.  Don't stop talking to them.

From my heart to yours, be blessed Dear Mama!