Can We Forgive?
Two people I love very much had a war of words recently; and like with any conflict, their initial reaction was to quit the relationship. Broken, hurt, and disappointed, their feelings wanted to call the shots. But as Christians, we are not to live by our feelings because feelings change. Instead, the Bible instructs us to be led by the Spirit.
Paul addressed these feelings in his letter to the Romans: "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform that is good I do not find" (Romans 7:18). In other words Paul knew God's Word, and even had a desire to carry it out, but struggled against his feelings to follow through with what he knew to do. We can know we need to forgive and take the high road, but the wrestle to do it is overpowering at times. We often just throw up our hands and say, "That's it. I'm done... forget it!" And that's exactly what the devil wants the believer to do.
"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against principalities and powers of darkness..." (Ephesians 6:12). We must remember Satan is our enemy, but he often comes at us in the form of flesh and blood. He will use the weaknesses of our nature (and even our ignorance of spiritual principles) to deceive us. And in most cases, he is able to suggest to the one offended that they are justified in their reaction. But God said, "The wrath of man does not produce righteousness" (James 1:20). No matter how much the devil suggests that you are right in your anger, the truth is "Your anger can never make things right in God's sight" (New Living Translation).
Instead, we are instructed to "...lay aside all [anger, malice, and wrath] and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls" (James 1:21). And herein lies the key: it is our soul that wants to retaliate and stay angry, not our spirit. The soul of man is his mind, will, and emotions. On the other hand, "The spirit of a man is is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the inner depths of his heart" Proverbs 20:27). The soul is where selfishness abides; whereas the spirit is where God abides - and God is love.
In fact, Psalm 18:28 says, "For You will light my lamp [my spirit]; The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness." God understands the soul of man and the conflicts associated with his mind, will, and emotions. Therefore, He promises to enlighten this area that is capable of producing darkness. But He can't do this without our participation. I often tell people, even if you have to grit your teeth while doing it, you must choose to forgive as an act of your will. The reason it's okay to forgive even when you don't "feel" like it is because the battle is really between your soul and spirit at that point. Love, God's love in you, desires to forgive because there is great power and victory in forgiving; whereas your soul will kick and scream all the way. So the question is: who's in control?
"Those who sow to the flesh [or soul] will of the flesh reap corruption, but those who sow to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life" (Galatians 6:8). Why else did Paul say, "For those who live according to the flesh [or soul] set their minds on the things of the flesh..." (Romans 8:5a)? It's because it's easy to listen to the voice of the flesh. It's easy to re-hash and meditate on the offenses of the flesh - but at what cost?
Jesus said, "Blessed (enjoying enviable happiness, spiritually prosperous--with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they shall be called the sons of God" (Matthew 5:9, Amplified). When you choose to forgive as an act of your will (not just because you "feel" like it), God blesses this choice. He has called us all to be makers and maintainers of peace. And if our desire is to be used by God then we must submit our soul to His Word. We don't have to worry about being a doormat, abused and stepped on by others. God will give us wisdom. He simply asks that we "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness [His way of doing things], then all these other things will be added unto us" (Matthew 6:33).
So can we forgive? Absolutely! As an act of our spirit and by the power of God.
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