What Is Productive? by Dawn White

Title:  What is Productive?

Scripture:  Proverbs 31:26-27

She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.  She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Proverbs 31 contains a highly regarded passage for the wife of noble character.  It talks about all that she is in character and all that she accomplishes for her family.  I’d like to take a closer look at verses 26 & 27 (above), with a non-traditional perspective.  I’ll share a situation with one of our daughters to help bring clarity to my position.

A few months ago, our fourteen year old daughter came to me and asked me if we could lay in my bed and snuggle.  Some may say that making this request at 14 years of age is unhealthy; that she’s too dependent.  My perspective is different – I was honored that at 14 years old, she asked for me to snuggle with her.  

You see, this particular daughter is very sensitive, but with that comes a deep compassion for people.  And because she is 14, she has not yet fully developed in operating in and understanding that gift of compassion.  She carries the burdens of others very deeply.  The day she made the request, she was very burdened, not by things going on with her personally, but with that of friends.

So, we proceeded to my bed and we laid down, quietly, not really talking about anything.  We laid in the quiet for quite some time, with just some small talk here and there.  Some would say we were not doing anything productive.  I disagree….much was accomplished in the quiet time we spent on my bed.

She was struggling and she needed some assurance, not of words, but of time and presence.  John Bradshaw once quoted, ”Children aren't fooled. They know we give time to the things we love.”  Bradshaw’s statement is very powerful, but I believe it to be 100% truth.  I believe that if I had not made time for her to help her through the struggles, she would have found something or someone to get her through.  

In the scripture above, in verse 26 it says that she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.  I believe there is wisdom in what is said as much as in what is not said.  You see this particular time with my daughter was not a time for teaching with words.  I’ve done plenty of that…they’ll all attest to that.  :o)  This was a time for silent assurance.  

In verse 27 it says that we do not eat the bread of idleness.  Idleness can be a challenging element to measure.  From all outward appearances we were lying idle on that bed.  However, my daughter received a message when she made her request.  I stopped what I was doing and made time for her.  What appeared to be idle, accomplished much for her that day.

I’ve said many times that I believe teenagers need us at home as much as babies and toddlers do, perhaps even more.   The American Heritage Dictionary defines time as “A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession…”  What I find interesting in this definition is the word ‘irreversible’.  Once a moment in time is gone, it is forever gone and cannot be replaced.  Whether it is an infant or a teenager, the time that passes cannot be replaced.  It is irreversible.  Time truly is of the essence.

There is definitely a time and place for teaching with words, but I also believe there is wisdom in not speaking and simply being.  The Proverbs 31 wife is kinda like superwoman or something – she accomplishes much.  And as wives and mothers, the demands on us can be never ending.  I’m not suggesting that we completely ignore those duties and responsibilities.  However, I believe that it is important that we not become so focused on the things that need to be done that we lose the time that is taken to build and sustain the relationships with those in the very same house as us.  The reality is that those relationships can be the most neglected.  We often believe that just because we’re together physically that there is a relationship.  That’s simply not true.  Relationships are built at a much deeper level.  

I wish I could say that this has been my perspective since the day I became a mother.  However, the truth is, the Lord has developed this perspective in me over time.  I’ve come to understand that time spent with children can sometimes appear unproductive, but what is truly accomplished last far longer than a clean kitchen sink!